Last year we had a stranger scare in our neighborhood. I received a call from another parent letting me know that someone was driving around the neighborhood asking kids to help him find their lost puppy. It turned out to be another neighbor that we all know talking to a confused child but we spent an hour that evening rehearsing/role playing all various situations that might occur and how to handle them. We talked about our family's secret password. The kids took turns playing the "kid" and the "stranger". We had a great time and I was convinced that I had done my part to teach my kids what they needed to know to keep them safe.
Until the very next day when Ivy took a ride home with someone who was an acquaintance of mine and a stranger to her--I was not happy! I couldn't believe that the VERY NEXT DAY after we rehearsed for an HOUR that she took a ride from a stranger. There were extenuating circumstances where someone she did know and trust told her to get in the car with this other woman but still. I cannot figure out why she didn't ask for the password and/or refuse. And a big part of me was very frustrated with the person who was trying to "help".
Fast forward a year to this morning. I'm trying to teach the kids responsibility and accountability so when Ethan wouldn't get out of bed this morning he missed his ride and had to walk to school. I actually think Ethan prefers this lots of days and he loves to run so he woke up at 8:15 and left the house at 8:38 (school starts at 8:45) knowing full well that I was NOT going to excuse his tardiness and that unexcused tardies are a big deal at our house. (He totally got there on time!) A few minutes after he left a neighbor calls me, very concerned, because she saw Ethan on the way to school and saw a man she did not recognize call Ethan to his minivan and talk to him. She tried to turn around but by the time she did Ethan and the minivan were gone. That's so scary! I immediately called the school and discovered Ethan was in school. When I talked with him he said that he was very close to the school and had crossed the street when the van stopped, a man got out, and called him back. Ethan went back--which is totally the wrong thing to do and I told him, which is another frustration because we have been talking a lot lately about respect for authority and obedience. So I guess the new rule is you don't necessarily have to respect people you don't know. Especially ones who stop you on the way to school. When he went back the guy told him that he didn't see Ethan look both ways before he crossed the street. Really? Who does that? And anyway the way the street is Ethan only has to look ONE way--there is no other street--it's a "T" situation. It's hard not to be suspicious there's something else going one. And he had crossed the street safely!!
So here's a shout out to all the "helpful" people trying to keep my kids safe. Please just watch carefully if you're concerned and talk to me. If you don't know my kids STAY AWAY! If you see a strange kid do something irresponsible and/or careless here's a few suggestions: sigh, roll your eyes, talk to the air, groan, yell obscenities in your rear view mirror, tell the kids in the car how that is NOT ok, honk your horn, wag your finger at them, look the other way.... And be SUPER cautious when you're driving near a school. But NEVER stop a child you don't know, don't talk to them, don't ask them to come back to your vehicle, really I would prefer it if you didn't even make eye contact...
For the record Ethan says he did look and cross the street safely and the man showed up after he reached the other curb. (Which is what the neighbor seemed to see) I did let the school know that a stranger had stopped my son on the way to school and we will yet AGAIN talk about stranger danger and how respect for adults/authority figures does NOT apply in certain situations. And I will keep praying as always for my kids because it is NOT possible for me to prepare them for EVERY single possibility.
6 comments:
You might want to read the book "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin DeBecker. He's a former FBI profiler, and his book is about how to keep kids safe. It's very interesting, probably the best out there on that subject.
One thing he says is that if someone makes us feel uncomfortable, we are not EVER obligated to be "nice" or talk to that person. Ever. If someone we don't know chats it up in the grocery store, and we feel weird about it, we don't have to be polite and talk to them.
It's such a fine line. I struggle with the respect/authority thing too. Dallin used to have huge boundary issues with adults, and it made for some awkward situations. Like one time his cousin's wife, who he really didn't know well, picked him up and turned him upside down and started tickling him. He basically kicked her. She was pretty miffed, and while I didn't want him to think it was OK to kick someone, I did want him to know that it was OK to get himself out of a situation where he was uncomfortable. She thought he was rude, I thought she was out-of-line for doing that to him in the first place.
Sorry, I'm rambling.
I should look at that book. You're right, though Lisa about if the kids are uncomfortable they do NOT have to be responsive and are absolutely allowed to get themselves in a situation they feel safe in and I teach mine that. My problem is that some of them never seem to feel unsafe...
That is freaky!! You're right, people should NEVER stop a child they don't know.
And if I had driven by and seen that guy talking to Ethan - in a VAN nonetheless, I would be in jail for assault and battery.
This subject is my WORST nightmare.
I find this kind of funny because I actually saw Ethan running to school that day and I debated whether or not to stop and give him a ride, but I thought two things: a) his mom is teaching him a lesson (seriously! that went through my head!) and b) even though I know him and he knows me, I will slow him down and maybe freak him out. So I didn't stop. I'm glad he got to school okay. I guess it would have been even creepier if I slowed the van and just followed him to make sure he got there safely.
I have also seen Ethan running to school at the 'T' and I think there must be something wrong with me. It never occured to me that I should offer him a ride. I think to myself, "At least we'll beat him to school!" Unless of corse he gets to the intersection first and I have to do the nice driver thing and wait for the pedestrian to cross the street. I think he runs faster than my van.
Oh my goodness Linnea! Talk about a catch-22. You are so right about teaching this stuff to your kids though. We are pretty brutal when it comes to teaching our own kids. We've had a convicted child molester move in next door when we lived in Virginia and I actually went next door and told him that if he stepped onto our property he should first think because I am very well armed and just hungering for an excuse to shoot someone like him. The boys knew to keep an eye out for him but we did end up having problems with him. Unfortunately we were able to get him kicked out of the neigborhood instead of getting rid of him the Smith & Wesson way...I'm only slightly joking. Kris was also kidnapped as a child (obviously he was found though only somewhat unharmed) so he and I are very vigilant, probably hyper-vigilant. I don't think you overreacted at all. I agree with your shout out 100%. My kids know they are to use all means necessary to get out of an uncomfortable situation and if it means kicking an adult then that adult and I are going to have words for putting my kids in a situation where they were uncomfortable. Maybe it's just because we have been in so many creepy situations but better to be too-safe than sorry. If some adult thinks my kid is rude then I'd rather my kid be rude and safe...you know?
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