Sunday Shenanigans

This post is a tribute to all of our enjoyable Sacrament Meetings with Dad on the stand. Most of you have already heard these stories but in the interest of making a complete record of our history (or fool of myself) I am posting them. I can do this now because we can finally laugh about these things. Sometimes. And they don't happen anymore (or at least not nearly as often). Hopefully it will make some of your Sundays seem a little less stressful. When your child starts to do something unmentionable in church you can say to yourself, "At least we never had a kid.___________like the O. family!" This also ensures that I will have a permanent record of said events so when my kids start having kids misbehave in church I can say something like, "Your child is just improving upon behavior you introduced!" In order to protect the guilty I am writing them all anonymously. Don't be misled--EVERY one of my children is represented well on the list! You may vote for the most infamous act. Here is our top ten list--in no particular order--for nefarious Sacrament Meeting behavior:

1. Making 'firecrackers' out of cheerios. And then when mom stops you and tries to help you clean them up deciding instead to very defiantly squash them into the floor with your heel.

2. Spitting on people. Not little spits, either. Back of the throat loud spitting! And refusing to stop until mom takes you to the bathroom and puts soap in your mouth (you had to be dragged all around the building because that Sunday you were of course sitting on the other side). And when you get back to your seat again, spitting more. It was fun to see all the people politely move to the edges of their seats!

3. Getting away from mom (she had another baby and a toddler), running up to dad on the stand and then JUST before he can get a hand on you running away, giggling of course, and then LEAPING off the stairs on the stand. Repeatedly.

4. Coloring on the benches. With red crayon. A solid mark that measured at least a foot square. Because red crayon on blue upholstery is SO pretty! It had to be professionally cleaned.

5. After spending two weeks driving mom crazy tying everything in the house in knots (shoelaces, toaster cords, hair dryer/curling iron cords, strings to the blinds, etc.) mom gets the brilliant idea to bring some of dad's really long shoelaces for you to tie into knots during Sacrament Meeting. At which time knots became boring and lassos and whips became cool--complete with sound effects.

6. On the second Sunday in a brand new ward, throwing a pen like a missile where it connected with a target--the back of the head of the wife of a bishopric member sitting 3 rows in front of you!

7. Reading and looking at books in church is not fun. After 5 minutes it is boring. Books are much more interesting as drumsticks and even weapons!

8. Tapping rhythms on the radiator next to our bench.

9. Running up and down the itty bitty little space where only little people can fit that runs between the bench and the wall--while various ward members sympathetic to mom's plight try to grab you. Very disruptive.

10. When one of the Primary Presidency comes to ask if you will be an example to other kids, kicking her in the shin. Which we decided was NOT an accident!

There it is--my top ten list of my most memorable Sacrament Meetings sitting alone with the kids while dad sat on the stand with his hand in front of his mouth stifling chuckles. Or else turning really red in the face and coming after one of our little monsters--thank you dad!! Last year Elder Ballard came to our Stake Conference and told a story about how he sat on the stand while all his children were very young and the first Sunday he sat with the family his wife excused herself after the opening prayer and never came back. Because she was in the foyer watching him between the crack in the door and laughing. I love Sister Ballard!!