Like Sound Through Water

Last week I stumbled on this book from Amazon: Like Sound Through Water by Karen J. Foli.  The books summary captivated me:

"He was a happy, healthy boy--a mother's dream come true.  Yet by the age of three, Ben's development was significantly delayed:  He couldn't make sense of the simplest phrases, and he still hadn't started talking.  When Karen Foli finally took her son, Ben, to a speech and hearing clinic, she was told that he was "probably retarded and perhaps autistic."  But Karen knew that Ben was highly perceptive, even frustrated by his inability to communicate.  Trusting her "mother's intuition," Karen set out on a journey to learn the truth about her son's condition..."

It felt so familiar.  I'm not sure why I felt I had to read the book.  Maybe it's just comforting to read another's mother's struggle with a very similar problem.  Maybe it shouldn't be that way but I feel a little relief from my personal grief when I read another's struggle.  It feels a little less lonely, I suppose.  Her frustrations and challenges are so similar to mine--so far, her son's story is very similar to mine.  Maybe I ordered the book because I was hoping to find a clue of something that would help Nathan even more.  It is a relief to see that Karen is a registered nurse with years in teaching, clinical practice, consultation, and research and holds a PhD in communications research and that her husband is a licensed, practicing psychiatrist who works with children everyday--and that the "professionals" wouldn't listen to them either.

I felt a connection to this mother when I read the foreward, written by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D.  Here's some excerpts:

"In this book you will see Karen and her husband, John, struggle to understand their first child, Ben.  You will see them wince as they realize that Ben is not like every other child.  You will see them wince again as professionals fail to get the point.  You will feel their emotions as the child they love receives mistreatment purported to be help.  You will see a mom, trying her best to work within an uncomprehending system of educators and healthcare professionals, refuse to give up on her son or relinquish her sense of who she knows her child truly to be." 

"Imagine if you had a child whose learning or behavior or emotions--or all three--caused your child and you and your family to suffer deeply every day.  And imagine if you, as the child's mother, had to go from misunderstanding to misunderstanding day in and day out, from "expert" to "expert", each with his or her own set of forms to fill out, tests to take, and jargon-filled explanations to listen to.  Imagine if each time the expert missed the true nature of your child you had to choose between disagreeing and being told you were in denial, or agreeing and knowing you were not going to get the kind of help you so desperately needed.  What would you do?"

That's just a snapshot, but suffice it to say that I "get" this book and maybe more importantly, this book "gets" me"!!

Like I said, I've read only about a third of it so far.  There one aspect that the book lacks completely in relation to my own experience.  I can see that the author does not have the knowledge and/or understanding of a loving Heavenly Father and the guidance of His Holy Spirit that gives me valuable direction and comfort.  I don't believe that it makes my pain, heartache, and frustration less than this woman, but I do believe it makes it a bit more bearable.  Karen gives us a real glimpse into her feelings, thoughts, and emotions through her experiences--I keep asking myself why.  I guess that it was probably quite cathartic for her.  I imagine that she didn't begin the process intending to sell many books but that as the project grew she realized that her experience might be valuable to others and sought a publisher. 

I wonder if a similar process would be a bit cathartic for me.  Anyone who talks with me knows that I can hardly talk of anything else--maybe I just need to get it out in order to process my own feelings.  Of course, I know that it's hardly as interesting to the rest of the people in my life as it is for me.  And I worry that if I were really honest about some of my feelings that it might hurt the feelings of some of the people in my life that I really love, admire, and care about.  Maybe I need to have an anonymous blog somewhere...