A Magical Peace--At Last

A conversation overhead this morning between Ivy and Nathan:
Ivy: "Nathan, Duct tape is good tape. You can tape lots of things with duct tape."
Nathan: "Dog tape is better!"

Not long ago I wrote about the contention in our house and how frustrated I was with all the fighting, arguing, whining, etc. Monday a solution presented itself. It was kind of Nathan's idea but we now have a system with two jars and lots of Bingo chips. One jar is larger than the other so we can tell them apart. We are trying to move all the Bingo chips from the large jar to the smaller jar and Monday evening we had a "secret" family vote and decided that when all the chips get into the smaller jar we will go out to eat as a family. Every time someone does a chore without whining, does something nice for someone else, goes to BED and STAYS there at bedtime, practices their instrument, etc. then a chip goes into the jar. Ever time there is fighting, whining, arguing, hitting, tatteling, refusal to do what we ask, etc. a chip goes OUT of the jar. The jars and chips are magical!

Tuesday was the first day. Ethan came into the piano studio and interrupted a lesson to tell me (only HALF tearfully) that Eva had "kneed" (I think that means she somehow hurt him with her knee) him on the leg and so a chip needed to come out of the jar. I told him that it sounded like it DID need to come out of the jar and to go ahead and take care of it. Then when the lesson was over I went in the living room and announced that I had to take a chip out of the jar--Ethan quickly protested, saying that he already had taken a chip out and I told him that I had to take another one because he was tattling. It wasn't until I related the story to Vince last night and we were chuckling about it that Ethan seemed to understand that by not keeping his mouth shut he cost the family two chips. He was so worried about Eva getting in trouble that he forgot that it's a FAMILY effort. There's been no tattle telling today and I am SO HAPPY!

The boys' room was very messy and last night I told Ethan that if he didn't get his room clean by the end of the day today that he would lose 5 chips but that if he DID clean it he would earn 10 chips. When I got home from the gym at 6:30 this morning his room was clean!

Last night Nathan was crying loudly about something, I don't remember what and I usually get so frustrated with him because I can't get him to stop. Last night I looked at him and told him that I was taking a chip out of the jar because he was crying. He IMMEDIATELY stopped crying and said, "OK Mom, I won't fry anymore." It's not a typo--he says fry instead of cry and I think it's cute.

Today I actually have been able to put in many extra chips because: Eva made cookies with and for the little kids, Ethan spent most of the morning constructing a doll bed and doll clothes storage thing for Ivy out of cardboard (complete with colored scrapbook paper which if you know Ethan is really impressive!), Ivy let her cousin have her little library toy to make peace, Nathan suggested we give cookies to someone else, Eva spontaneously unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, Ethan hurried and got his chores done early so they would be done before I started teaching this morning, and when Ethan wanted a friend to come in and I said No he started to protest but then shut his mouth and said, "OK Mom."

Even scripture reading is better. Usually Ivy whines and cries every time she is asked to read a verse longer than 4 lines. It's pathetic and drives the rest of the family CRAZY. We decided that any whining before and/or during scripture reading time constitutes the removal of a chip from the jar. For each episode. Last night we read many more verses in less time and it was MUCH more pleasant!

I'm going to leave right now and put a chip in the magic jar because I've been on the computer for 40 minutes and there has been not ONE raised voice or disagreement and Ivy and Nathan have been playing together!