I love to read the morning paper. When I get up one of the first things I do is head outside and dig around the end of the driveway for my newspaper. I like to read the comics, the editorials, the news stories, the features,... Everything except the sports page, really--I rarely read that. And I rarely read obituaries. Yesterday an article called "Baby snakes cause man to crash his car" caught my eye. It's in the news capsules briefs section which happens to be some of my favorite stuff. So I see this title and I'm wondering to myself HOW do baby snakes cause a man to crash his car? Were they in the road? Was the man trying to swerve around them? So I start reading.
"Police say two pet baby snakes escaped" Stop right there. The man was carrying the baby snakes in his car and they escaped. Yeah, that's a little distracting. I can picture that. Wait. It gets better.
"Police say two pet baby snakes escaped from a 20-year-old man's pants pockets" WHAT? Who carries snakes in their pants pockets? Little boys maybe but a 20-year-old man? Yuck. Wait. It gets better.
"Police say two pet baby snakes escaped from a 20-year-old man's pants pockets as he was driving" OK--so some MORON put baby snakes in his pockets before he got behind the wheel? Really? No wonder he crashed his car. He's an idiot.
"Police say two pet baby snakes escaped from a 20-year-old man's pants pockets as he was driving, leading to a car crash." Of course there was a crash.
"Police say the man lost control of his sport utility vehicle Monday when the snakes slithered (eewwww) near the gas and brake pedals and he and a passenger tried to catch them." I guess it's too much to ask a person who keeps live snakes in his pants pockets to PULL OVER and/or STOP the CAR before he starts digging around to recover the snakes.
"Police say the SUV veered into some parked cars and overturned."
At least no one else was hurt. And I started the day with a smile on my face and a good chuckle (OK--I laughed out loud). I can see why the snakes were trying to escape. And I know it's wrong but stories like this make me feel better about myself. Because if I get in a car wreck at least it won't be because I put creatures in my pants and then tried to fish them out of the car while I was driving. Yes, I can at least do THAT right today!
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