Ethan's Eyes

A couple weeks ago Ethan brought home a note from school saying he had a little trouble at the vision screening and should see an eye doctor to get his vision evaluated.  I made an appointment and  we went there this morning.  (Eva's totally jealous because she wants glasses--that girl loves her accessories!)  Ethan hasn't been too concerned about this because he's certain that the nurse made an error--so certain that he told me that he didn't need to get his eyes checked again.  So certain that he told the receptionist and the nurse and the doctor.  The nurse said something like, "I don't know--that's quite a prescription" after she had him read the little letters and checked the different lenses. 

Then the doctor came in and asked Ethan how he felt about his eyesight and Ethan told him his eyesight was fine that once in a while he might have a little trouble seeing something but that for the most part he can see everything he wants and needs to see.  The doctor said, "Let me set the record straight once and for all...........You can't!"  And he promptly wrote a prescription for glasses and took a picture of the inside of Ethan's eyes because he has something that looks like glaucoma but for someone Ethan's age it's more of something to be aware of and have a record of.  The doctor was fun and we had an enjoyable visit.  Ethan is not disappointed about having to wear glasses because when the nurse was checking the lenses he seemed to get a bit excited about how easy it was to see things.  The doctor talked to him about how squinting was really not the best way to view the world.  Ethan selected some nice looking frames and we should get his glasses in 7-10 business days.

Now I may consider taking Eva in because she thinks she may need glasses (although she did once say she wants glasses because everyone else has them).  I say consider because a couple of years ago she wanted braces (because everyone else had braces)and until this morning I wouldn't consider taking her to the eye doctor because I don't think getting glasses because everyone else has them is really a great reason.  BUT Ethan's eyes were worse than I every would have imagined and the doctor did say that as he grows we are going to need to take him in to get his prescription adjusted.  If Ethan's eyesight was that poor then maybe Eva has a real need for glasses after all.  Maybe I'll decide this summer when we're done with more of Nathan's stuff!

Famous

I love this poem by Naomi Shihab Nye

The river is famous to the fish.

The loud voice is famous to silence,
which knew it would inherit the earth
before anybody said so.

The cat sleeping on the fence is famous to the birds
watching him from the birdhouse.

The tear is famous, briefly, to the cheek.

The idea you carry close to your bosom
is famous to your bosom.

The boot is famous to the earth,
more famous than the dress shoe,
which is famous only to floors.

The bent photograph is famous to the one who carries it
and not at all famous to the one who is pictured.

I want to be famous to shuffling men
who smile while crossing streets,
sticky children in grocery lines,
famous as the one who smiled back.

I want to be famous in the way a pulley is famous,
or a buttonhole, not because it did anything spectacular,
but because it never forgot what it could do.

I first read this a few weeks ago and have been pondering it ever since.  I've been thinking about what I choose each day and what my actions make me famous for and contemplating to whom/what I want to be famous.  Perhaps most importantly, recognizing I want to be famous because I remember what I can do.

Anniversary

I haven't posted for a while because I've been putting this post off for stupid reasons.  On December 16 Vince and I celebrated our 15th anniversary.  I'm so grateful to be married to Vince--we have a beautiful life together.  I spent most of November and December reminiscing about our courtship, temple sealing, welcoming each child to our family, learning how to parent,...  Through everything Vince has always been and always will be a strong and steady influence.  He leads our home and fathers our children with patience and love.  He's infinitely supportive of anything I want to do.   I think the card he gave me pretty much sums up how we feel about each other: "When we married, I said "I do" to what I knew would be a lifetime of love and laughter...I said "I do" because I knew we'd always find comfort and content in each other". 

After Christmas Vince and I got to take a trip away together--the kids stayed with Aunt L and Uncle J.  We had a great time!  One reason I procrastinated this post was because I was going to include pictures--pretty much not gonna happen.  But not for lack of pictures.  Vince took over 325.  Pictures.  Really.  We went to Zions National Park and stayed at the lodge in the park and did very much hiking.  Over 12 miles.  I love hiking but I will admit to being unprepared for that much hiking in the snow.  After 15 years you would think I would have thought this through a little more.  The next time Vince plans a trip I'm taking snowpants, boots, and snowshoes.  I'm also going to invest in those things you slip on your shoes that give you traction in the ice and a good walking pole.  There was tons of ice and we hiked up to Scout's Landing in snow that went over my knees.  The really beautiful part of that hike was the fact that we didn't see a single person on the whole way up the trail...everything was covered in newly fallen snow and we were making new tracks.  At times we would walk next to some fresh deer prints.  There was only one hiker that had hiked in front of us and he was waaaay up there--we didn't meet up with him until we reached the top.  I love the feeling of being alone with Vince and the peace of viewing nature in isolation. 

It's Christmas!!

Today begins my favorite part of Christmas when we can spend time together as a family and relax!  I've been looking forward to it for the past 5 weeks :) 

Christmas is a great time for reflecting on the past year isn't it?  I'll admit being on an emotional roller coaster since my last post.  After I posted about Nathan's last speech pathology assessment I googled "short palate".  Many times.  I kept coming up with cleft palate...finally I decided I'd better read what the search engines were giving me and it turns out that as far as I can tell a short palate is a submucous cleft palate.  And after reading details of a submucous cleft palate it turns out that Nathan had almost every symptom as a baby.  I'll keep you posted as we become more certain.  It's exciting and hopeful to be getting real answers but at the same time it's very disheartening for me as a mother to consider the possibility that my son has had a form of cleft palate that has been undiagnosed for nearly seven years!!  Most of the time I don't know whether to smile or cry and I'll admit to a lot of crying for the past two weeks...I think it's a grieving process.  Knowing and treating this years ago would have changed everything for Nathan's childhood, development, and future....as a mother I can't help but grieve a bit.  I think I can finally write about it now because I'm beginning to move out of the grief phase.

This week I have been blessed with great friends and family....I feel so loved!  I know our Heavenly Father watches out for us and finds a way to put His loving arms around us when we are feeling discouraged.  We were able to go to the temple and perform sealings Wednesday night.  I don't think there is anything more beautiful than going to the temple and sealing family units!  We came home to find a sweet sister from the ward had come to stay with our three kids at home (Eva was babysitting at a friend's house so they could come with us).  This sister helped my kids clean in my kitchen and living room, played with the kids, brought a box of oranges, and cleaned and folded laundry.  She expressed how impressed she was with the three kids and told me I had obviously trained them well because she suggested they clean up for 10 minutes and the kids worked for 2 hours (it's Chistmas and I've been working on finishing projects, getting people places, and enjoying time with my family--in short I've been shooting for Mary, not Martha).  She said she saw an entirely new (to her) side of Ethan.  She was impressed that the kids knew how to do everything and work all the appliances,...  We hadn't been home five minutes when another woman from the ward called to tell me she had a book she felt I needed to read and she wanted me to have it that night and would bring it over.  It was very inspiring and I'll review it when I've collected my thoughts about it.  The next morning someone wanted to "spoil" Eva and took her on a special date.  I had phone calls from sweet friends and my sister...I hadn't been able to talk with them for a while.  Then Vince and I went to a Christmas party and had a wonderful night!  We came home to find another super friend and neighbor had left us a homemade pie.  I feel inundated and after being so discouraged for a while I just know that I'm not alone and that my Heavenly Father is looking after us.  I'm so grateful for all He gives us!!

I love how our Savior's love is expressed and felt so freely during this time of year!  Today I'm looking forward to playing games and watching movies with the kids.  I may start sanding the kitchen table this morning--that probably comes as a surprise but I wanted to start it a couple of days ago.  (I want to learn to refinish furniture so we can start collecting nice furniture for our home on the furniture budget I have--which is virtually nothing.  I decided to start with the kitchen table because I can't make it worse than it is so it'll be a great learning piece.  Surprisingly, Vince is entirely supportive of this venture!!)  I want to take the kids sledding today--we've been twice this week already but there may not be enough snow today.  I should rephrase the "we've been sledding" to the kids went sledding and I crocheted in the car...with the heater on at times...  I've never really enjoyed sledding!  Then I imagine we'll have lots of hot cocoa today and a yummy ham dinner--Eva's cooking.  There's a story I should probably tell sometime.  And we'll make cookies and open a few Christmas Eve gifts--the traditional PJ's and ornaments.  Then we have everyone's favorite part (OK--it's my favorite but I'll admit that all the kids may not be mature enough to think this beats sledding, movies, or cookies...) when we turn off all the lights, turn on the Christmas lights and light all our candles and review the Christmas story and sing a couple carols and have family prayer.  It's very relaxing and peaceful and the kids think it's very special to light candles!!  Christmas Eve day is generally my favorite of the year.  We pack it so the kids will sleep well and it works for us :)

Funny Nathan

Nathan has been gaining confidence since school started this fall and is becoming quite a talker.  I'm finally feeling like we are getting to know Nathan, similar to when we got to know Ivy when she learned to speak.  I don't know if his personality will "blossom" as drastically as Ivy's but these past few months I can see something start to happen.

Last Friday was our last night of speech at the U of U for this term.  As we were driving Nathan was talking a lot.  Nonstop.  I was trying to listen to him and participate a bit but I was also trying to listen for traffic reports (this habit has saved us many headaches).  It is difficult in our big Expedition to hear people clearly from the back and it's still challenging to understand what Nathan was saying and last Friday he was persistent.  He kept saying "Did you hear that Mom?"  "Aren't you listening?"  "Listen to what I'm telling you!"  And I was really trying but I was also driving and there was traffic and it was getting dark and I couldn't hear the radio and I was trying to watch the road and turn slightly so I could hear what he was saying when I missed the exit.  We finally do make our way to speech (after turning around and missing another exit--I'm still rolling my eyes).  Nathan spent the rest of trip saying "Are you sure this is the right road?"  "Do you know where you are going?" "Shouldn't you call Dad and ask him where to go?"  When he gets in the room with the clinician he was asked about his day and promptly responded "It was pretty good but my Mom doesn't watch the road when she's driving". 

This came on the heels of last Wednesday's speech appointment when he was asked to make up a question using the word "spoon".  Nathan replied, "My mom spanks me with a spoon".  And he totally nailed the sp blends--there was no mistaking what he said.  (In my defense I swear it's only happened once or twice.  In his life.)  Last Wednesday his teacher had made a card holder with him by taping a plastic salsa lid in half--it's a clever idea.  She had tried this before and Nathan wouldn't use it because it smelled and so this time she had cleaned it and thought it was fine.  He sniffed it and told her it still smelled and she smelled it and said she didn't smell anything so he told her "You have to put your nose all the way in it!"  Both the girls working with him giggled about that for a while.

While relating these stories to a good friend she told me a sweet story about Nathan from this summer.  She said she was very impressed with his diplomacy and that it gave her a bright spot for the day.

This summer, my doorbell rang frequently with small children on bikes wanting to use my tire pump. One small bike (belonging to Sam, who may have been 3 at the time) had a punctured inner tube that needed to be repaired or replaced, but as no solution was forthcoming, Sam and whomever he'd been with that day (siblings or friends) had come to my door daily wanting to have the tire repumped. By the fourth day, I had lost patience, and Sam happened to have come with Nathan.

In frustration, I cried, "I just don't have time to pump up this tire every day!"

Nathan, who acted as spokesperson, stood unperturbed by my frustration, and with calm composure stated rationally, "That's no problem, because I can pump it."

I averred, "Yes but every day I have to stop what I'm doing, get the pump from the garage, bring it here, wait while it gets pumped, and then put it away, and I have a pile of things to do!"

Nathan, undeterred and unflappable, continued his line of reasoning, "I can pump it up. Don't worry. You won't need to do anything."

Softened by his poise, maturity, and obvious interest in Sam's plight, I went to get the pump. And Nathan did do very well pumping it up.

His diplomatic, intelligent, and charitable approach had humbled me. And Sam got a new bike after that.

CDC Testing

A few months ago we began a process of testing at Utah's CDC (Child Development Center).  There is a long waiting period for each appointment so it's a very long process.  We began by meeting with a developmental pediatrician who recommended meeting with a developmental psychologist and speech pathologist, to test for apraxia and other things.  I was happy with the pediatrician--I felt like he really wanted to hear what I had to say about Nathan and what my concerns were, specifically.  Finally!  There is a part of me that is so sick of hearing other people tell me what they think Nathan's issues are while giving our thoughts and opinions a cursory glance at best.  That is the most refreshing aspect of the CDC--EVERY professional has spent a copius amount of time getting Nathan's history from me...even after they have read the previous person's report.  The developmental pediatrician talked with me for about 90 minutes, as did the psychologist and the speech pathologist spent another 90+ minutes recording my recollection of Nathan's history and asked more questions as the testing was conducted.  SO refreshing!

We met with the developmental psychologist last month and didn't really learn anything yet.  She wants to spend a lot of time getting to know Nathan and playing with him in order to make an accurate diagnosis.  We have two three hour appointments in January to accomplish this.  Six hours!!  Such a different approach than when the school district psychologist passed a diagnosis without meeting me and spending less than an hour with Nathan. 

Today we met with the speech pathologist and it was fascinating and exciting.  The fascinating part was when she spent almost 10 minutes looking and feeling in his mouth.  She said that Nathan has a short palate.  I think the palate is the roof of the mouth and Nathan's doesn't extend all the way towards the throat as a normal person's would.  People with a short palate have extra challenges in articulation but they can be addressed.  She also said that his uvula doesn't hang down like normal and that's a little strange and presents articulation challenges.  In addition she said she can feel a small bump at the back of his palate but she's not sure what to make of it.  A lump or bump back there can have a real detrimental effect on articulation but she's not sure if this one is big enough to cause concern.  She said it's probably not big enough to cause trouble but she wants a second opinion so she had me sign a release form that gives her permission to call the supervising professor that's been working with us at the University of Utah speech clinic to have him check this as well.  Nathan also has a mild nasality which means that some of his sound is coming through his nose and should be addressed in treatment.  I think this makes sense given the rest of the information about his mouth.  It seems so commonsense to check all the anatomy affecting speech and yet I don't remember anyone doing this before--and adjusting treatment plans to accommodate anatomy makes them more effective. 

The exciting part of the visit was the testing.  Today Nathan is about 6 years and 8 months.  She did a test where she would say a word and Nathan would have to point to the correct picture.  You really had to pay attention and look at all the pictures because if she said a word like canoe there would be four boats and only one of the boats was a canoe.  Some of the words were really big words and I was surprised that he knew some of what he clearly knew--I'm sure I've never heard him speak most of the words.  He did well on this test--his score would be normal for a 7 year 10 month old child.  Go Nathan!  She said she could understand 75% of what he was saying as opposed to a year ago when our speech pathologist said he was 90% UNintelligible.  Nathan's been working so hard and it's nice to see him make such great progress!!  She wants to meet with him again by the end of January to run at least 2 more tests.  One of them may explain why reading is a little challenging and may offer some ideas to help him learn to read better.  Nathan was getting a little tired at this point.  He did finish another articulation test and she said most of his articulation was great there were only a few sounds that he was missing and/or saying incorrectly. 

She also asked about a note in the file that said there had been concern about ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder).  I told her that we really weren't concerned about that but that the school had really pushed it and tried to diagnose him with it last spring.  She was relieved that we weren't concerned about ASD because she said she doesn't "see it".  She said a few things that I would use to explain (or try to explain) why we weren't worried about that and then she said something that I had never really thought about but which is quite true.  She said that a child with a severe speech delay who is very intelligent will often purposely not look people in the eye or at their faces  because they don't want that person to engage in conversation with them.  How logical!  I think about when I teach any class at church and it's "prayer time" and most every person in the room will look at their shoes or scriptures, or their hands in their lap,.....anywhere but the teacher because they may not want to give the prayer.  Yes, my last major experience teaching when I had to call for prayers at church was teenagers....  But adults do it too.  I've done it...

It's nice to get good news for a change!  :)

Mother-Wit Enigma

The impossible mom question

This is a new word/term to me:

Mother-Wit  noun; meaning "innate intelligence"; Synonyms include commonsense, faculties, innate common sense, intellectual gifts, nous, senses, wits

It's nice to know there is a real term for it isn't it? 

So I guess it's due to my mother-wit that I have the commonsense and innate commonsense (it really says both of those in the definition)  to suggest wearing coats and footwear in the snow.  And that people (and by people we all know I mean the people whom I mother) should brush their teeth.  And blow on their hot food.  And wear a sweater if they are cold.  This is my favorite, though, from a few days ago.  One child came to me and said, "Mom!  There is a tube of toothpaste in the toilet!!!"  I thought to myself....well use your imagination.  What I said was, "Oh" to which the child replied, "What should we do?"  and I said, "I guess you should reach in and take the toothpaste out and throw it in the garbage" to which the child said, "That's GROSS!"  And I said, "Right...that's why I said put it in the garbage."  The child said, "I can't put my hands in there--it's disgusting!"  And I said, "That is why you should wash your hands when you are done."  Mother-wit, I tell you.  And I guess I can't be upset if my offspring don't have this commonsense  because they are, after all, not mothers.  (FYI:  I'm assuming that the child decided the toothpaste in the toilet wasn't their problem because I had almost the exact same conversation with another child not 10 minutes after that)

While I am proud to posses commonsense and innate commonsense, I have to admit that I am puzzled by "intellectual gifts".  This is probably because of things like forgetting to remind child #4 to take his backpack to school.  Four days.  In A. Row.  I had to drive to school and back TWICE four mornings.  In a row.  Four consecutive mornings.  It almost seems like I was lacking some commonsense but in lieu of the practical handling of toothpaste in the toilet I'm totally taking credit for having innate commonsense and commonsense and just flat out admitting I question my intellectual gifts. 

I have been giving a lot of thought about my slacking intellectual gifts (I had a lot of time to think while I was driving in the car) and I have a theory.  You know when a woman is pregnant and will sometimes say, "The baby took my brain!"  No?  Maybe it's just me.  I was fond of saying that once in a while when I was pregnant but thinking it frequently.   Or at least thinking of it way more frequently than I said it.  Anyway--that's my theory.  I believe this is the reason the kids can do all kinds of remarkable things that I can't seem to figure out anymore.  They also have fantastic memories--they can even remember who put what ornaments on the Christmas tree last year!  I try to be honest about it, though, and I tell them that it's quite amazing the amount of information they are able to store and recall because I certainly can't.  They are decidedly, and perhaps understandably frustrated with those kinds of comments, though.  And just for the record, I don't think you have to have experienced pregnancy to live through "the baby took it" phenomena...I swear it's getting worse as they get older. 

"Hey kids--enough already!  You should consider leaving what I have left of my brain so you won't have to support me when I'm older--yes, I am going to get even older!"

And another thing about this theory--anyone who knows our family knows that we have four very intelligent, bright, fun children.  They are all quick learners and hard workers.  And you would also know that the oldest of the four is ultra-responsible, as most oldest children are.  When considering "the baby took my brain" theory you must remember that the first child gets the first pick--so in all honesty I can't feel irritation that the others can't remember to take their backpacks to school...

Here's the enigma in a nutshell...."Where and how do we get mother-wit while we're losing our brains to the offspring?"